Last night I slept with this tall skinny white boy (classic) that I had been sexting for aaaaages. This boy had seen the entire repertoire by the time we finally met. We were matching on-and-off on this hook up app for a while, but it never ended in a meeting, so I usually ended up just sexting him. It’s something I enjoy because I can get my rocks off without having to change out of my PJs and worry about shaving my legs. I especially liked sexting this guy because he was hesitant to send anything back the first time we messaged, but he slowly opened up to me, was clearly super into it, and I was flattered. But in this instance, I think the pre-hookup sexting slightly ruined the experience of this one night stand.

I just got super thirsty and was like, I NEED TO HAVE SEX THIS WEEK, so I asked him to come over. I hadn’t seen his Insta or anything before we met (he was one of *those* people who didn’t have Instagram, urgh). I didn’t even know his real name until he came to my flat. In fact, I still don’t think he gave me his real name – he said it was he had issues with a girl stalking him in the past, so was reserved about that kind of thing, hence why he initially gave me a fake first name. How unnecessary! It’s pretty hard to stalk with just a first name and hardy any photos. I did search his number on Facebook, but people have clocked how to use their privacy settings these days, so it’s not as effective as it used to be. Reverse image searches have been fruitful in past though (especially with those actor-types who use professional headshots as their online dating profile photos) but I didn’t bother trying that. So a man called “Chris”, who I had been sexting, was in my house last night.

There were pros and cons. Pros: I had already told him what I liked so he was prepared. So prepared, in fact, that he got me off three times (yay me!) He also pre-warned me that it takes him a long time to finish and that people in the past blamed themselves, but it was just normal for him. That was useful to know, although there was still a point where I asked, “is it me?!” But the cons: there was too much pressure. I couldn’t help but feel a little stressed that I wasn’t living up to this perfectly curated image of me in bed. And he obviously couldn’t live up to the imaginary version of him that I built up in my head. Although it’s super hot to talk about what you would do to someone, it’s less hot when it turns out those angles don’t work for you in real life.

Regardless, I’m a strong communicator in bed, which is why my one night stands are usually really good, so I still had a great time. He was really fit and nice, even if he wasn’t my usual “type” (he was an obsessive nerd-kind who needed to learn a million different instruments, speak 50 languages and never drank, whereas I’m a basic AF wasteman). So in the future, I will not be sexting any man before I meet him, or meeting any man I have sexted.

However, it’s still one of my favourite things to do, and whether you’re a seasoned sexter or you’re keen to dabble in the medium, here are my tips as someone who has recently got in the game:

1. Get the fuck off iCloud – download Keepsafe and invest in the premium version. Only downside is you have to download photos to your phone first before you can send them through other apps, so remember to delete them when you’re done!
2. NEVER show your face. That way, even if you have a distinct birthmark on your boobs or whatever, you can still plausibly deny it’s you if compromising shots ever got out.
3. My favourite trick is the “slow reveal” where you send something more and more explicit in exchange for whatever you want from the other person.
4. Don’t give away too many personal info. Maybe fuck with a pseudonym. Use Snapchat instead of Whatsapp.
5. Perhaps you’ll need to practice using slang terms for genitalia, because no matter how hard I try, I cannot make the words “vagina” and “penis” sound sexy.
6. And if you’re wondering how to actually initiate such a conversation, try something like “well, what would you do if I was there right now?” Most people will get the hint.
7. Finally, experiment until you find your best angles and definitely be feeling yourself.