I know I said I didn’t want to have sex anymore in my previous post, but obviously I changed my mind. This is a story about my very polite one night stand last Sunday.

The Context 

Last week, I matched with a guy on that hook-up app I love using. I was too tired for sex that night, but we exchanged numbers because he seemed normal. After a week of some flirting, one semi-naughty photo each, and absolutely no discussion about our jobs, ages, or height, I was having a come-down on Sunday and wanted some physical intimacy, so we arranged a meet up at mine for later that evening.

I sensed he would be a nice guy* because I was in the middle of a plumbing crisis on Sunday – the water was running from my shower for about 3 hours before a contractor came and fixed it – and throughout this time, this boy was being really supportive via text message. He was so considerate that he even suggested rescheduling so I could concentrate on getting the broken shower sorted, which made me think two things:

1. My bar for “considerate” and “decent human” is now very low because this impressed me more than it should.
2. I obviously hated that idea because I just wanted to bang!

He was super friendly

Luckily, he did come around that night (but the shower will still need further repairs, in case you were invested in that part of the story). He bought some beers, sat in the living room with me, my housemate and her boyfriend and watched a bit of The Imitation Game with us. I liked that he made an effort to talk to them, because it’s always a relief when the randos I invite over also have good social skills. At one point I was worried he was too friendly, because I was giving him an obvious hint that it was time to head to my room, but he was a little too immersed in conversation.

He was super responsible and considerate in bed…

When we finally got to it, he was not the best casual encounter I had, because we were both tired from the night before, but he was frequently checking I was okay. He would ask if I was into this-or-that before doing anything new. He also bought his own condoms so I’m glad he cared about his sexual health.

He also insisted on turning up the music while we were doing it so my housemate and her boyfriend wouldn’t hear anything. Good thinking! And again, so considerate.

…But I think he mansplained contraception to me

I told him I wasn’t on the pill, which really seemed to surprise/concern him. I explained that I had a bad experience with my family doctor when discussing contraception so I didn’t want to go back and re-explore the pill. Then he started telling me about some other contraceptive options, which I thought was weird AF. I didn’t want to have this conversation with a random man. I told him to drop it because it’s my choice, and it wasn’t relevant to us as we has just used a condom. Although, maybe he was just making conversation?

He was shorter than me

Maybe by an inch. It was only slightly noticeable but not a big deal. He bought it up first just before we were about to meet:

Ever since my revelation about height, I genuinely didn’t care. And I’m glad I didn’t sack him off because of something so stupid. It doesn’t really matter how tall your are when you’re horizontal. Also some angles are easier to do with shorter people.

He kink-shamed me a little.

I moved his hand to my throat to hint he should choke me a little again – we’d discussed this before and he had already done it a few times  – but in this instance he said, in a slightly annoyed tone, “why do you like that so much?!”

Don’t kink shame me!! If you’re not into it, just tell me! I felt like he had plenty of opportunities to, and it seems like he was really into it the first few times. It’s okay to change your mind and not want to do something anymore. It’s also okay to not understand someone else’s kinks or preferences, but maybe just have an open conversation about it. Something’s not going to turn me on if it turns out you don’t like doing it to me. COMMUNICATE.

Clarifying where we stood after

I normally just give men a ‘well it was nice to meet you!’ when saying goodbye and usually they get the hint and don’t call again. I was getting ready to do that, but he said, “so what are the expectations?”

I was worried he thought I’d fall in love with him, so I just said, in a very matter-of-fact kind of way, “oh don’t worry, we’re don’t have to do this again.”

He paused for a looong time. So I tested the waters and said, “unless you want to…?”

He didn’t. He rambled on about “intimacy” and “emotions” and “confusion” which was unnecessary because I had already given him the answer he wanted. I told him not to worry because I have a one-time-bang-only rule. We kissed each other goodbye and that was it! Despite all those weird little things, it was a pleasant and emotionally/physically satisfying encounter overall.

The next morning I saw this text from him, which I thought was really sweet, because it felt like it had no ulterior motive, and thankfully I haven’t heard from him since.

* Not to be confused with NiceGuy™.