Ladies, claim your orgasms. You deserve them. You deserve to cum when you’ve had a long day, when you’re bored, when you’re having sex or just when you want to (as long as any additional parties involved consent to the physical activities you’re doing with them, duh!)

Treat yourself to a toy

Orgasming when you’re not having sex is easy. Invest in a rabbit, I promise it’s worth it. I went for too long in my life without one and now I’m on a mission to make sure every woman has a toy in her life. If you’re not already using something, start with a bullet and see if it doesn’t make your life better. Also, they’re great to whip out during sex if you want to “get there” a little faster.

Sex doesn’t end when he finishes

I once slept with a boy who was a puppeteer. He had Dane DeHaan vibes and I was into it. Shame he was an utter prick. I remember how horrible I felt when he told me, in an impatient tone, “god, you take a long time to cum.” FUCK YOU. I’ll play with myself for as long as I want – you’ve already cum, why does sex end with you?!

This year, I’ve slept with a few guys who have not had sex in a while, or come out of a long term relationship. They finish pretty damn fast after a few moments of vaginal penetration, understandably. I usually say, “let’s take a break and go again in a bit” and that works. But some of these arseholes don’t even care enough to ask what you want, or what they can do for you.

Ladies, if you share your body with someone, you’re not just a cum receptacle. Sex should be a mutually pleasurable experience regardless of whether it’s a one-night-stand, a fifth-time-bang or that relationship D. If you want to cum, you should not be shy about it, and your partner should also make an effort to check in on your wants and needs.

Claim your orgasms

According to this Vox documentary on Netflix, and also real life, men need to pay more specific attention to women’s bodies to cause an orgasm. But they don’t need to be a some sort of clit-wizard to make a girl cum. Either way, men aren’t mind-readers so if there’s a specific spot that makes you go mad, show him where to put his tongue or tell him how quickly/slowly to move. Don’t be shy about it. What’s the worst that can happen – you’ve got to give slightly more specific instructions, but then you both have an orgasm?? Sounds great!

My favourite thing to do, especially for one night stands or when you’re a little tired, is to ask if it’s okay to bring out a vibrator. By asking if it’s “okay” I really mean, “I want to do this thing I enjoy in bed, because I’ve helped you do a thing you enjoy, and now I’d appreciate if you weren’t an insecure dick about any of this”. Only an arsehole would turn that down because let’s face it, it’s minimal effort for maximum gain! A win-win, if you like.

And for any men who don’t want to make the effort…

I’m going to ask them to get dressed and make it clear I want them to leave so I can have some alone time with my vibrator. There will be no polite goodbye kiss at the end, just a “nice to meet you, get home safe” before a block and delete. I’m bored of wasting nice underwear and condoms on wastemen.

Remember, you deserve an orgasm!