It’s January and we’re all poor AF. Dating is just another expense – all those drink rounds really add up. To be honest, I have three guys on the booty call rotation atm so I might sack off dating until I got dolla next month. But all this got me thinking about the politics of paying on first dates.

I know I don’t owe a man sex in exchange for a drink…

…but I prefer to pay for the first drink in case I don’t like the guy. I know logically that I do not have to have sex with a boy just because he payed for a drink, but sometimes it feels like a guy is holding something over you if he’s bought you something.

I had this HORRIBLE date a few years ago where this guy got the first round. Turned out he was a mega creep. I was ready to duck the fuck out so I necked my drink, which was a wisely chosen glass of prosecco (it was an outdoor cocktail bar in summer and also I’m baaaaasic).

He was taking a long-arse time to finish his pint. I felt it would be rude to leave before he finished his drink and I also got the feeling he was deliberately drinking slowly to keep me there once I tried giving him signs it was over. I even turned away from him and started texting, but to no avail – he said he thought I was “mysterious” and “hard to read”. NAH MATE, I’M TRYING TO SACK YOU OFF.

I did eventually grew a pair (of labias) to be like, “sorry I don’t see this working, I’m going to head off.” He was actually a freak, but I still felt guilty for leaving because he had bought me a 7 quid drink. That is a feeling I should learn to shake off because it’s silly, but I still like to buy the first drink to avoid feeling that kind of “guilt” ever again.

Why not just split it?

I feel like splitting creates a barrier between you and your date and feels a little rude. Also, wouldn’t you find it strange if your date did that to you? Splitting makes me feel like I’m back at uni as a poor student again and that is not the vibe I want to give to my dates. I want them to think I’m this mega successful, yuppie (even though I’m definitely not).

The last time I insisted on splitting drinks was when I had to settle a tab with a date I never wanted to see again. I wasn’t sure about him on round 1, but by round 2 I knew he was a bit too intense for me. For reasons, he had to start a tab so was ordering the drinks that night. At the end he offered to pay the whole tab, but I fed him some line about being “super feminist” and needing to split. The truth was I could just tell he was into me more than I was, and I didn’t want to just “use” him for free booze. I mean, he is an adult and can make his own decisions about how to spend his money. But it did make me feel less guilty for turning him down later when he asked for a second date.

What about rounds?

Rounds are a good idea, except when you don’t get to drink 2. Sometimes you don’t need to stay for a second drink to know you’re just not into a guy. In those cases, I just part ways and say, “it was nice to meet you!” I feel less guilty that way because I bought him a drink and I gave him a chance – but it didn’t work out. Thank you, next.

Other times, I know I want to have sex with a guy after one drink, and then we’re back at mine and I’ve missed the opportunity for more drinks. But does this mean I’m the one paying for sex?! *Gasp*

Perhaps 2 rounds is a sensible idea though. It’s enough time for you to know for sure if you’re actually into someone or not, in my opinion.

A cheeky cheat

Very occasionally, I show up about 5/10 minutes late to the pub in the hopes that the guy will find a seat and buy a drink without me. Then I can join him at the table, and be like, “oh don’t worry, I’ll get myself a drink.” And then I don’t give a shit about any of this. Maybe you could try that if you get as stressed out as I do about who pays on a date?