I was originally going to title this post “I think you’re all using Tinder wrong” but that’s not constructive. However, I do want to address the emotional exhaustion and boredom you feel when using dating apps, which I have coined “Tinder fatigue” but, annoyingly, a quick Google search shows I wasn’t the first one to come up with it. Damn.

So my idea of Tinder fatigue ranges from the experience of having many dates but not really connecting with anyone, or just swiping for days only to find you don’t fancy anyone’s profile and eventually convincing yourself you will never have good sex again (if you’re dramatic, like me). Either way, it’s fucking draining and annoying and shit, so here is some very loose advice on how to combat that feeling of exhaustion from dating apps.

1. Just get off the apps for a bit

Just go out there and live your actual best life. Forget boys for a few weeks and just spend some time with people you actually know and like, or doing hobbies you enjoy. It’s like taking a holiday from the grind of matching and sending the same opening line to moderately interesting looking boys. By taking time to get back in touch with yourself and your needs, you put yourself in a better position to let new people in when you do eventually get back on the apps.

2. Lower your expectations

Not of the people you date, but of what you want out of these apps. If you are putting pressure on yourself to find “the one” or even just have sex with someone, you’re always going to set yourself up to be disappointed.

I know this first hand because I just want to use dating apps to get laid, but when I go into a date requiring that to happen, I just end up feeling shit when I date someone meh and don’t want to sleep with them – or even worse, I end up sleeping with someone I find meh because I’m more concerned about the end result (and also not wanting to waste an intimate shave) than I am about my feelings towards another person.

I’ve learnt that the healthier approach is to (1) obviously know your own mind about who you like and who you don’t, and also (2) not consider these apps your only hope to find whatever romantic connection you’re hoping for. Just think of it as a way of opening your social circle in the hopes you meet some interesting people that you can connect with, even if it’s just a for one date.

3. Your time is precious so use it efficiently!

And by that, I mean don’t get drawn into a texting conversation that lasts for weeks in the hopes that someone will ask you out on a date eventually. Your time is precious because you are important and have shit to do. You don’t have time for time-wasters so if you fancy someone’s profile, ask them out soonish. Don’t wait around hoping for someone to message you.

Talking for too long via message is stupid because (a) it’s not really an accurate way of figuring out if someone is normal IRL or not; (b) if you think it’s going well via message, you end up building up an idolised image of them in your head, so meeting IRL will always be a disappointment; and (c) why the fuck are you wasting your time talking to a stranger who has no investment in you because they’ve never met you, and also how on Earth are you managing to keep a conversation going with someone you’ve never met? What are you actually talking about?

So yeah, as you can tell I’m not a fan of drawing things out via messaging.

4. Block and delete fam

This is a really helpful one for helping you clear some headspace.
Boy only has 1 hour left to reply to your Bumble message? Delete.
Boy hasn’t responded to your message asking him out? Delete.
Boy sent you something that gave you the *ick* even though he seemed like a nice guy? Delete.

Stop giving people a chance when they don’t deserve it! It can be disheartening to have a string chats on dating apps that never got a reply, so regularly delete these.

You blessed that boy with the opportunity to communicate with you, but he was too stupid to see how amazing you are, or maybe he’s legit busy or something, ya know? But either way you don’t need that virtual clutter in your life and let’s face it, it’s unlikely he’ll realise the error of his ways and get in touch two weeks later, so just do yourself the favour and get rid of any trace of him.

And finally…

Don’t beat yourself up about anything, they’re just dating apps and to some extent, people view them as a bit of a “game” so don’t take it too seriously. Your level of success on dating apps says nothing about you as a person!