What a fucking wild ride the last two years have been for everyone. I’ve not written a single post in 2021, and instead have taken the time to think about what matters to me, like most people have. Lockdown seasons 1-3 have been horrible and I hope we never have another one again. I also got bloody Omicron recently, which gave me some time to reflect on what I’ve learnt this year…

1. Instagram is the devil

I deleted my personal instagram a few weeks ago and I feel GREAT. The blog instagram is still up, but it was getting stressful and wasn’t bringing me as much joy as TikTok – or any joy at all, for that matter. For a really long time, I thought I wanted to be an influencer and get a book deal like Slumflower or Florence Given, but we all saw how that panned out…

I can’t handle people getting in my virtual face via DMs, the comments sections everywhere are a cesspit, and it’s also run by the same human-impersonating-dickhead responsible for facilitating genocide and fucking-up teenage girls. It’s also a lot of work to be interesting and engaging on social media, and I just don’t have the energy to make the algorithm like me.

I’m setting new boundaries for 2022: turn off notifications, set an allocated time to respond to interactions, and only post when I’ve written something new to share. With a large follower count comes great responsibility to create content. Thankfully, I don’t have a large following – and some are probably bots – but I love interacting with the wonderful and interesting followers I do have. Hopefully, these boundaries will let me continue using Insta without wanting to throw my phone at a wall.

(Alternatively, there’s a “follow” button on the bottom right of the page if you want to subscribe via email. 😊 )

2. Not every hobby has to be a hustle

The pandemic has created a collective societal awakening to the horrors of capitalism. I thought I was anti-capitalist before but, over the last two years, I’ve become even more radical in my beliefs. It started with a great Instagram page (yes, I know I said Instagram was evil a few paragraphs ago) called The Nap Ministry who advocate resting as a means of resistance. It’s also important to highlight the black roots of “hustle culture” here, so please do read for more context.

I’ve realised that I don’t need to promote myself or my blog online. It can just be a hobby or a thing I do when I feel like it. If people want to read it or reach out, that’s great! I love hearing from strangers about how they have connected with something I’ve written, it really does mean a lot to me. ❤️

But fuck the need to work all the time. Fuck the need to turn everything you do for fun into something you can monetise. Fuck the need to impress people with your job. Fuck the need to be the best at anything. Fuck the need to buy things to impress people. Fuck feeling guilty for taking a day off work when you’re sick. Just fuck it.

That’s not to say that society’s ills can be fixed by the individual, but more that you can find your own small ways to survive and rebel within this shit show of a system while we also try to fight it collectively.

3. I’m grateful I’ve made it this far

This really has been my flop era. A lot of stuff has changed in my life and it’s taken some getting used to. Let’s see… I’ve been really traumatised by some racist encounters, I was depressed and suicidal at the start of the year, I’ve moved back in with my parents, I’ve cut out people who I thought were good friends and I’ve been gaslit repeatedly by my boss. I also haven’t had sex with someone else for the whole of 2021 and I’ve realised I’m pretty gay, but I’m still figuring out exactly how gay I am. Pretty hard to keep a sex and dating blog going when you’re not sexing or dating. Sidenote: I have been having lots of solo sex, in case any of you were worried. 😎

I know that in the grand scheme of things my problems are not really that bad, but comparisons are unhelpful and my problems still had a profound impact on me. Dealing with my issues has taught me how resilient I am, made me realise how many people really care for me, and I’m glad to end the year in a much happier place.

Looking forward

I’ve got 14 posts saved in my drafts and I still care about people experiencing pleasure in life so it’s time for me to make an epic ✨ comeback ✨

I still have funny date stories, silly musings about heterosexual romance and tips I want to share. I want to chart the exploration of my sexuality. I want to de-pedestal sex and I want people to love themselves and feel empowered to ask for what they want.

I want to talk about my mental health, therapy and meds to potentially encourage someone else to seek the help they need or, at the very least, make them feel a little less alone in this world.

I want to show people that brown women contain multitudes. I want to expose my imperfections to the world and show people that you can still love and accept yourself. We are only human, after all.

So watch this space you gorgeous, wonderful, lovely folks.

BGD x