Probably not the wisest thing to declare on a sex and dating blog (don’t worry, I still have upcoming sex discourse to keep you entertained), but I’ve quit my job and now I am looking out at the mountains from an ecolodge in Colombia.

I’ve hit that classic 30-plus stage of life where you question your existence so far, and then decide to run away from your problems. Any one else relate?

Problem 1: My pre-frontal cortex has set a bit

I really miss my ability to have casual, meaningless sex with someone I will never see again. In my 20s, the minimum background check I required of a man was asking if he called himself a feminist, and if he was cool to not spend the night at mine. But looking back, I also engaged in some more risky and unsafe behaviours which I chalk up to my under-developed brain.

As a more fully-formed human at 31 (kind of), not only do I have a stronger self-preservation instinct, I now need to know his exact views on trans rights, police and prisons, #MeToo, Jordan Peterson, taking down statues of colonialists, as well as how many books by black lesbians he has read.

I’m not a fool – I know that a man with exactly the same political views as me isn’t automatically going to be a kind or compassionate person, which are qualities I value the most. But my lack of chill about what counts as the “bare minimum” does add an extra dimension of difficulty to ho-ing around.

But, this seems to be a problem I only have with men, as it’s much easier to meet women who I can connect with because…

Problem 2: I’m kinda gay

Okay – this isn’t really a problem, just a new(ish) thing I realised about myself and am learning to navigate. Thankfully, all of the slutty skills I developed with men work with women as well! Skills like: open and honest communication during sex, and being explicit about your interest in someone – especially important with queer women, otherwise you might both just spend your time telling each other “you’re so pretty” and never actually have sex.

Meeting and getting with women hasn’t been impossible, but it’s definitely harder to meet age-appropriate women when you’ve stopped using dating apps.

But do you know what can affect your sex life more than deleting dating apps?

Problem 3: The housing market

Nothing kills the mood more than living at home with your parents.

I moved back during Lockdown III, assuming it was temporary, but that’s not how it turned out. I was living in Zone 4, which is basically a death sentence for a single girlie in London. And it’s super rude to bring a harem of men and women in and out of my parents house, so I don’t do it. But I also don’t like to travel for the D, unless I happen to be somewhere and the D is also there. The same rule doesn’t apply for queer women, but a 1 hour journey to and from a date can put me off.

As much as I could complain about how living at home has affected my sex life, I know how lucky am to have somewhere to live rent-free in London, and it’s the reason I can quit my job and travel, so I won’t complain too much.

Anyway, it’s all part of a much bigger issue which is…

Problem 4: Capitalism

How we humans function under a system designed to use up and chew out our bodies baffles me.

I used to look at all the miserable faces on my 7 a.m. commute to work and want to yell, “WHY ARE WE GETTING UP SO EARLY TO STAND WITH A STRANGER’S ARMPIT IN OUR FACES TO TRAVEL SO FAR TO PROBABLY HAVE A MISERABLE DAY?!” but I didn’t want to be that weirdo on the train.

For a while, I let myself feel like a leper because I knew I didn’t want marriage or children. I beat myself up for not working hard enough to earn the salary I needed to buy my own flat in London, without help from my parents or a romantic parter.

I have now fully accepted my desire to live differently to the norm.

I want to start a queer commune where we don’t rely on monogamous romantic relationships to provide the care and community we need. Where the responsibility of raising children is done collectively. Where we live in tandem with the Earth and not against it. Where we take care of EVERYONE in society, including people who don’t conform to gender norms, people with disabilities, older folks, people seeking refuge from war, outcasts. Where we solve issues through dialogue and restorative justice methods. Where people have time to be creative and craft and enjoy each other’s company.

I don’t have a plan on how to do this yet, but hopefully I’ll figure it out on this trip. I did visit a permaculture farm today where they made us a 6-course vegan meal out of the food they grew on site, so I feel inspired.

I know some people will think I’m delulu, but I think imagination is the first step to creating a new reality.

Anyway, hit me up if you wanna join my super gay communeeeeeeeeeee 🤩

BGD x