I’m exaggerating slightly with the heading because I first matched this guy on that same hook-up app from last night, but we did move the conversation to Instagram where we organised the logistics of him coming over.

I initially made fun of him for giving me his phone number and IG, but his profile photo had those tall skinny wasteman white boy vibes that I’m often into, so we followed each other and I started a chat. Never “slid into DMs” before so that was an interesting. I thought it was just a meme up until this point, so now I’m keen to see if I can arrange a hook up in the future over social media. Will have to do more research…

So this guy was two years younger than me and had recently started his first proper job after leaving uni. He was a creative type. The conversation started off with some flirting, we discussed the possibility of meeting up for a drink but then he suggested meeting up that night. I debated the idea in my head for a bit after I sent him my usual security questions:

1. Would you be willing to travel to (insert my area here) and be okay not staying over?
2. What would you do if you came over and I changed my mind?
3. Any STIs to declare?
4. Height?

I had to clarify that the last question was just so I wasn’t taken aback when he got here – it just takes me by surprise if a guy comes over and he’s shorter or taller than he looks in his photos. I know I shouldn’t be worrying if a man is taller than me or not because it’s a shallow thing to do, but this is something to work through on a blog post for another day.

Anyway, his answers all checked out, and he quite rightly asked me some of the same questions back – I actually love when men are also being sensible about the fact they’re about to meet up with a stranger from the internet. We then discussed the logistics of safe sex (he asked if I was on the pill and I told him nope but we’d be using condoms and I have some at mine – all very important).

He said it would take him FOURTY FIVE MINUTES to get to mine. Never waited so long for the D. It was already half past 11 and I was ready for bed, but he looked really cool on his IG and after my less-than-spectacular sexual experience last night, I was hoping for something to make up for it.

When he eventually got here, I was instantly attracted to him, which is exactly what I’ve wanted for a while now – just to fancy a guy. It wasn’t just his face, it was his whole aura – the baggy shirt, the shorts, the shoes, the glasses, the messy hair. I offered him a drink and we chatted for a bit about things we had in common – music, drugs, TV. Nothing deep enough to build a relationship on obviously, but who cares when you’re really just looking to have sex with someone? He inched closer on the sofa and made a move; I’m usually the one who initiates things so that was an interesting change.

The sex was fun. We communicated loads, asked each other what we liked, asked each other what we wanted to do next. I think it was a really good example of enthusiastic consent – a casual encounter with a stranger can be so much fun if you’re both willing to just be open with each other, which some people forget when they write off the practise of having one night stands. It’s also so fun to get to know someone like that for the first time. Everything is a surprise and exciting and new.

Just a few things though: he apparently found it hard to have an orgasm with a condom and asked if we could do it without. I insisted we shouldn’t. He insisted he didn’t have an STI. I still insisted we should keep using condoms. It didn’t even end up being a problem in the end. I also asked for a break at one point, and I think he was worried I would fall asleep so he was being persistent. To be fair, I probably would have fallen asleep if he wasn’t. Because I was into him, I’m glad he kept going because deep-down I wanted to as well. I wondered what it would be like if I wasn’t that into him though – would I think he was a dick for not reading my signals? Anyway, it was great overall. I enjoyed it.

We talked for a bit after. He apologised for not being bulkier because he hadn’t been hitting the gym. I told him to stop worrying because he was fine and I liked him like that. He made a comment about how it’s interesting that some girls are into skinny guys. It’s definitely a thing! He asked if we would do this again. I told him about my rule of only sleeping with guys once.

We kept telling each other how hot we thought the other was. I told him there was something about him that just turned me on. He said it was something about my body and my persona… I found that interesting because I don’t match up to any conventional or unconventional standards of beauty at all. All my friends are 10 times hotter than me so I’m not exactly the top of anyone’s radar ever. But it clearly doesn’t ever stop me from having sex because I think I just project confidence. Mostly because I’ve learnt to stop giving a shit about my appearance when I discovered feminism.

Was so hard saying goodbye this guy – every time he went for the goodbye kiss we got carried away again. He carried me from the door back to my room at one point, knocking over my vacuum cleaner in the process. (Shit, I hope it still works.) I suspect I have a B12 deficiency because I would have been up for the round 2, but I can barely manage it these days so I had to reluctantly send him home.

So what have learnt from this?

1. Dear men, stop insisting on having sex without a condom!! You don’t know if someone is lying to you about their STIs, or symptom-less, or has a false-negative on their last test. That being said, I have had lots of unprotected sex in the past and been STI free and non-pregnant. But still, don’t risk it!
2. Communication is KEY. Don’t be shy and tell the other person what you want, even if you don’t know them. Especially if you don’t know them – there’s nothing to lose really, so just get what you want out of your sexual experiences and be considerate of the person at the same time.
3. Confidence is clearly very important. My recent dry spell almost had me thinking that I was undesirable and would never have sex again (I’m dramatic like that), but that’s not true. Anyone can be desirable because you never know what makes you attractive to someone else, but it’s always more than looks. Trust me, I know from experience. If you’re confident about how amazing you are, other’s will definitely see it too.

Finally, after this guy left, he dropped me a message to let me know that he rides past my street everyday for work, in case I ever wanted to break my rule. I think I might break my rule.